What if you just stopped trying to fix yourself?

When I started this reiteration of the Colour Gap podcast, I started from a place of deep self reflection. How could I take the lessons and insights from my very unconventional career path and weave that into a platform that would ideally help someone else see themselves a little differently, for others to take a moment to go inwards, to self-reflect, to see the possibilities for themselves and their careers from all the lessons I’ve learned the hard way. I hope this episode does just that for you.

What if in this new year you just stopped trying to fix yourself? What if you approached the new year with a sense of optimism coupled with intention that wasn’t rooted in the idea of new year, new me? I ask that you stay with me on this thread of thinking for a minute. I’m a person who is in a constant state of self-reflection, with a condo full of self-help books that considers myself a seeker of knowledge, so moving into each new year has consistently been filled with this idea that with each new year brought the opportunity to drastically change the things I hated about my life. A reset that brought with it possibilities to step further into a kind of new version of myself, and can I tell you something, the entire system that was set up to make me and so many others feel like that was even necessary is deeply flawed. If the pandemic has taught us nothing else, it’s certainly opened many people’s eyes to the idea that your ability to get the most out of life isn’t going to suddenly become accessible because you’ve climbed to the top of the corporate ladder, slaved away at your job to make more money, secured the bag with a fancier job title, so why do so many of us go into each new year thinking we need to new years resolution our way to more happiness and success?

I recognize that the answer to my rhetorical question is somewhat obvious. When you are an ambitious woman who in generations prior would have had no opportunity to tap into the chance to become self made, when you come from cultures that celebrate only those who gain raging success before the age of 40 and sometimes even come from households like mine where obtaining advanced education and success to do better than your immigrant parents were able to access, the pressure beyond anything self-imposed is real. That is the reality of living in a capitalist system where more is encouraged, bigger is better and the 24/7 hustle culture is celebrated. But the pandemic changed many things for many people. The great resignation or great revaluation had millions of people all over North America re-evaluating priorities, rethinking the selling of souls for gain and I’m ever so grateful for a reset that is rooted in more mindfulness, more intention and more kindness to ourselves.

I started off this new year without a list of goals to achieve and with deep intention to work through this next year of my life with exactly that - intention. To live and operate more rooted in listening to my body and to my heart and to throw out all the new year, new me bullshit that has frankly occupied too much of my headspace for far too long. And to be honest, it’s been far easier than I expected. I’m a Capricorn and a goal setter by my child of immigrants, ambitious nature, so I expected some internal resistance. Some leaning back to old habits of busting out pen and paper to write down all the ways I’ve failed myself in past years and writing out measurable and focused goals to help me keep on track, but no. The transition has been a far less noisy and less complicated ushering in of a year that is still so full of the uncertain. It’s been one of the most liberating ways to enter into a new year and although we’re only a month in, in many ways the resistance to this rhetoric has been building for a long time in my head and in my actions and heart centred approach to my own career progression, so let me take some time to share some observations and lessons learned. 

I will start by saying that you have to get clear with yourself that nothing about you is broken and in need of being fixed. You can’t move towards the direction of your dreams and purpose in life without a core, internal belief that you are NOT flawed and that you living a full, abundant and joyful life with a career that came from alignment to the core of who you are is FULLY attainable without reinventing yourself. Imagine for a moment just how freeing it would feel to remove the internal dialogue within yourself that seeks to make you feel less than, that thrives on your inability to see the wholeness that is you. When you start from a place of wholeness there is little left to feel like you have to catch up to. That is a beautiful thing worthy of working towards. 

And I’m by no means flippant enough to believe this sense of clarity around one’s self worth comes easily. We are surrounded by messages, by marketing, by personal expectations of levelling up and it takes a significant amount of healing and resistance to move past. But if you get steeped this year in the intention to start not from a place of lack but rather a place of possibility and abundance to evolve, enhance and add value to your life by exploring ideas, relationships and opportunities from a space of curiosity, imagine the things that could happen. Make the choice today to start abandoning that long list of goals that are rooted in fixing parts of yourself that aren’t even broken. 

There’s also an element of surrender that I really believe is required to find more fulfilment in your career and every other element of your life. The opposite of all the advice we’ve heard is something worth exploring. It’s namely about removing the pressure to do everything the right way, in the right time and surrendering to the belief that your natural talents, passions and the authentic way you show up in the world is enough to attract the right opportunities and experiences that will lead to a deeper sense of career joy - that isn’t rooted in a fleeting and fearful mindset that it can all be taken away tomorrow. It’s about the idea that your wildest dreams are possible and that getting out of your own way is the first step to manifesting the right experiences. As a society we value discipline overtly and we often forget that we’re humans having a human experience that sometimes requires us to give ourselves grace and trust the process without overextending, without burning out and without pushing so hard that we pursue a never ending path that will never stop asking us for more. 

So what to do instead? What if you started with setting intentions around how you want to feel throughout the year. What are the experiences you wish to have related to your career and otherwise that are rooted in feeling more of something. More joy, more fulfilment, more purpose? Stay with me for a moment here - instead of crafting this long list of goals that are rooted in achievement of things that if not accomplished have the power to make you feel like absolute garbage, you focused on doing things with intention that are anchored in staying present on the journey over the end result? For instance, want to find your dream job this year? Instead of creating a long list of tasks and tactics that move you in a specific direction towards that goal, you decide your intention is to get closer to finding career joy - your plans suddenly change. From drafting 5 versions of your resume and applying to an endless stream of jobs hoping something sticks to removing the pressure to land on a certain path and instead focusing on connecting with people who seem to be in really interesting, impact driven jobs out of curiosity and not attachment. You open yourself up to so many more possibilities of pathways when you convert the specific end goal to a specific intention. No more SMART or rather specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound goals to keep you so laser focused that all your eggs are in a basket full of potential for a deep sense of defeat and personal failure. Setting intentions on feelings keeps you focused more on your internal compass and your personal gut and your core desires. Your path becomes so much clearer and more authentic to you when it’s not based on feelings and desires outside of yourself. 

I also love the concept of a Not to do list. Getting clear on the things that won’t drain your energy or put you back in hustle mode. This year you won’t get caught up in comparing yourself to other people’s journey’s, you won’t get so tied to one path that it precludes your ability to be open to following your curiosity over your comfort. You won’t follow a path that is laid out by someone else’s expectations. You won’t limit yourself to the things you doubt most about you. You won’t get caught up making a long list of goals to fix things about yourself that aren’t broken. You won’t operate from a place of lack. Just this simple reframe allows you to get focused on the possibilities over the problems and the path becomes that much clearer when it’s rooted in abundance, self compassion and grace. 

And what if you made the intention to celebrate yourself more? Getting to a place of feeling abundant and moving away from the critical self talk starts by celebrating the things that are to be honoured about yourself and your journey. The pain and the difficulties you've experienced on your journey, the lessons you’ve had to learn the hard way, the resilience you’ve built up all deserve to have a moment. You’ve gotten this far through life, made the most of your circumstances and continue to show up for yourself. Celebrate that. 

Let me say it one more time - nothing about you is broken or in need of fixing. This new year can be ushered in with a more mindful intention around evolving, growing and enhancing your life through more of the things you desire and deserve and less of what’s disconnected about yourself. You are a whole, worthy, deserving human and walking in the direction of your dreams from a place of that wholeness is entirely possible. Promise me the mantra of new year new me will no longer take hold of your beginnings and that you change your mind about how you enter 2022 towards the possibilities and richness of your life and potential?